Thursday, October 12, 2006

Interview with the Republican

Interviewer: Good morning Sir. Thank you for talking with me and my readers this morning.

Republican Leader: Silence

I: Umm, Sir. Good morning?

R: Hold on a sec, just seeing if the check clears the prestigitotor thingy here.

I: I swiped my debit card on the checkpad coming in, and it was accepted, Sir.

R: Well no deal is done until the check clears the. . .there you go. OK, you’ve purchased ten questions. Keep going and you’ll be in the Pioneer Club. (Snickers) Access. . .good. Would you like to donate more? (Snickers)

I: Not at the moment, thank you, Sir.

R: Won’t count that first one.

I: Sir?

R: Or that one cause I’m a good guy you see. I’m a guy who is good- won’t charge those two questions against your ten questions.

I: Oh I see. Got it. Thank you, sir. Now to our first question. Since Republicans have held the House, Senate and Oval Office for six years now you’ve had an unstoppable lock on power. This has allowed you to push through any legislation or policy you'd like, domestic or foreign.

R: I’ll gonna have to charge you for two questions if you don’t questionate.

I: Well Sir, it’s just this- A sworn enemy of the United States, Kim Jong Il has been saying for years that he was going to develop and use a nuclear weapon, he has now done so, yet members of the Republican party claim . . .

R: It’s Bill Clinton’s fault.

I: Yes Sir, that was the question I was going to ask. President Clinton has not held power for 6 years, was how could it be possible that it's his fault?

R: He had sex with that Intern. Immoral. Kim Jong Il Immoral. Have to protect the kids. Terrorists everywhere- evildoers.

I: But sir, President Clinton had brought the situation on the Korean Peninsula there to a point where we were going to purchase all of the medium and long range missles. A deal cancelled by the current aministration. Unification was being discussed as of 1998.

R: We’d lose to a dictatorship! Evildoers!

I: Well historically we’ve seen that the unification under such conditions results in a democracy- Germany is a good example.

R Have to fight the terrorists. Better there than here.

I: Back to the original question- how can this be seen as his fault when you’ve had control for over six years now?

R: He didn’t use six party talks, talked right to the evildoers. That counts as a second question.

I: Six party talks haven’t worked.

R: It’s for the kids.

I: Well, on the subject of kids, and the issue of Republican control of the national agenda. In the last six years, the Republican party has not brought much in the way of substantial legislation to outlaw abortion. They do however, continue to assail the Democratic party for defending a woman’s right to decide. . .

R: Axis of Evil.

I: I was referring to domestic policy now Sir. For a party that has made historical and sweeping changes in the constitutional protections laid down in the Bill of Rights you’ve made practically no progress on the abortion issue which Justice Scalia contends has no standing at all in the constitution. The abortion issue is central to Republican success in mobilizing Christian Conservatives. With the exception of a few attempts at limited legislation, no substantial ban on abortion has come or appears to be coming. Could it be that the Republicans want to keep this issue open to win elections?

R: Democrats, liberal media, boogeyman.

I: Sir, I don’t understand your answer. Are the Republicans deliberately trying to keep the issue open to inflame the Christian right.

R: All of our rights are based on Christian teachings.

I: Ok, perhaps we should return to the question of Iraqi policy. Your pretext for military invasion of Iraq was possession of weapons of mass destruction and a willingness to use them.

R: Evildoers. Axis of Evil. Slam Dunk.

I: Sir, CIA Director Tenant has no clear recollection of ever saying the WMD was a slam dunk. To continue my question: Korea has clearly demonstrated that they have WMD and the rockets to deliver them, Iran is actively developing them and both have said that they would definitely use them, how is this different?

R: Do I have to spell it out?

I: It would help Sir.

R: Four little letters

KR(Whispered): three

R: Three little letters

I: I see, O-I-L?

R: No no S-I-N. They’re sinful. That’s a third question.

I: Who is sinful?

R: Fourth question. Anyone who goes against God’s plan of dismantling the constitution! Every one of the faithful knows that in this Christian land, the constitution embraces God.

I: Sir, if you go to any law search engine and access the Constitution you’ll see that the word GOD doesn’t exist in the text. The only mention of religion comes in the Bill of Rights and that reinforces the separation of church and state. The only mention of God or a Creator is in the Declaration of Independence and Jefferson’s reference to "Natures God" was a Deist reference. The Pledge of Allegiance wasn't created until 1892 and did not have the "Under God" element added until 1954 by President Eisenhower.

R: Evildoers.

I: Sir, if we could get back to the question: how does Korea and Iran definitely fielding nuclear weapons differ from Iraq possibly having them?

R: Asked and answered. Bill Clinton. Terrorists. Monica Lewinski. Stay the course.

I: OK Sir. Moving on. Representatives have addressed the Foley scandal by suggesting that the Democrats should take polygraph tests to determine their involvement and Representative Shays has gone as far back as Chappaquiddick over 45 years ago to defend the Republican handling of the issue.

R: And?

I: Well shouldn’t the focus be on making sure that the current pages are safe and finding out who knew what, Republican or Democrat and seeing that a full measure of justice is meted out?

R: Sixth question.

I: And your answer?

R: Seventh question.

I: Sir you haven’t answered.

R: Eighth question.

I: Sir that wasn’t a question. We’re still on number five. Sir, shouldn’t we find out if children are being preyed on by other individuals currently serving? This would seem to be a failure on the part of a Republican leadership Reps Foley, Blount, Reynolds, Boehner, and Hastert at a minimum.

R: Military. Bill Clinton, don’t ask don’t tell. Clinton let Bin Ladin go, I saw it!

I: Well sir, that was an ABC movie that even ABC admits was not factual regarding President Clinton’s handling of the Bin Ladin issue. Richard Clark, who was hired by President Reagan, retained by the first President Bush and President Clinton as the Anti-terrorism “Czar” and finally fired in the current administration, states quite clearly in his book that Clinton made the effort to isolate and eliminate Bin Ladin while the entirety of the Washington establishment was seeking to destroy his presidency. President Clinton failed to eliminate him when he wasn’t the icon he is today. Our current efforts are in no way hampered like his were and have failed to find him and capture him after six years even. We outsourced his capture to others at Tora Bora and they let him escape. We have had free reign to torture and access any information desired and still we have been unable to capture or kill Bin Ladin.

R: Clinton let Bin Ladin go I saw it.

I: OK. If I can change the subject. I made a mention of outsourcing a moment ago. The tax cuts you champion benefit the upper classes, in fact the richest Americans, yet middle class Americans are made to feel that they benefit somehow. How can we continue to current tax policy when so many corporations with very healthy balance sheets continue to avoid paying any tax at all? Before Vice President Cheney took office, he moved 44 of Halliburton’s subsidiaries to the Caymans where Enron held 692 subsidiaries. Halliburton went from a tax bill in 1998 of 302 million to a rebate of 85 million in 1999.

R: 9-11.

I: Sir that’s not an answer to the question.

R: Got to keep America strong. I’m the stronginator. Tax cuts to the rich benefit the poor.

I: That was called voodoo economics in President Reagan’s day. It was debunked as a credible economic model. More so when you consider that much of the economic windfall of recent years has gone into moving operations overseas and created a loss of 4 million manufacturing jobs.

R: Created jobs, the reports say so.

I: Yes sir, minimum wage jobs, that replacing better paying manufacturing jobs. It's pretty difficult to get by on minimum wage. Take housing for exampple. The average cost of a house in an inexpensive part of the country, say Ohio, is 150,000 which is about 6% under the national average. The mortgage payment on such a house would be 1,000 per month, forgetting for a moment the property taxes and assessements.

For a minimum wage worker that would mean 48 hours per week PRETAX just to buy an average house in an under average market. Assuming minimum wage for 40 hours a week, a worker would take home 10,712 dollars a year, Assuming no vacations. From that 1,215.05 would be deducted in taxes and they would lose a further chunk to state and sales tax.

R: Get money from daddy or his friends.

I: I understand why you would see that as a good alternative, but sir, many elders in this country are having difficulty making ends meet. The recent Medicare changes and the increasing number of pension plans being allowed to default not to mention the corporate scandals such as Enron, World Comm, Global Crossing, Tyco, Adelphia, and others that left pensioners destitute.


I: Sir?


I: OK, you know something of oil don’t you Sir.

R: Mother’s Milk.

I: Yes Sir. Now we are almost completely reliant on foreign oil interests for our survival. . .

R: Drill in the Arctic!

I: Well sir, even if we did pumped every ounce of oil in the Arctic, in the gulf, off of California and on South Fork ranch, we still wouldn’t have enough oil to meet our needs despite the fact that a huge amount of our manufacturing has gone overseas.

R: You’re a tree hugger.

I: Well no sir, but wouldn’t energy independence be a critical element of national security in our current age?

R: Gas prices dropping.

I: Yes they are, just prior to an election, but if the Saudi Arabian monarchy were to find a new friend to keep it in power in a manner that supervened President Roosevelt’s agreement wouldn’t we be in trouble?

R: Not me. Born again and into an oil family both times! McCain wasn’t born into an oil family.

I: I’m glad you brought that up. Sir we are the first world power in modern times to openly deny the Geneva Conventions and embrace torture. . .

R: It’s not torture, its aggressive interrogation and rendition.

I: Sir most experts in the field and John McCain who was tortured himself all say it’s not effective.

R: Stay the course. Clinton is to blame. 9-11. Raise the alert level.

I: Sir?

R: That’s number ten.